Notes from Dr. Border

Do we stay or do we go? Journal Prompt: After listening to the podcast, based on my definitions, decide if the relationship is unhealthy or toxic. In this relationship, do you feel heard, validated, and loved? Would you want someone you care about to be in a relationship with this person? When you have disagreements, do they hear your side of things and compromise on a solution where you are both happy? Do you withhold your voice for fear of their reaction? Does this person

Danish Bashir on Instagram Journal Prompt: Think about a situation where you were being abused or negatively treated by someone. Are these actions helping the abuser obtain their dopamine fix or fulfill their own mental needs of control? Or is it helping you get your fix? Now think about a positive experience with that person. What happened right before the good time? What happened right after? Was the abuser being genuinely kind, or was it love bombing or an action they used

Journal Prompt: Write about the loss you have experienced that you are struggling to move past. It doesn’t have to be details about the situation, but write more about your thoughts and feelings about what happened. From the writing in #1, make a list of feelings you have experienced? Do they align with the stages of grief? Give yourself permission to feel all the feelings, accept that they are normal, but now decide that you are going to work towards moving forward with crea

Journal Prompt: Where is a place you like to go that brings you peace? This could be a place as simple as your bedroom, backyard, or a far away place where you have traveled. If the place you are thinking of isn’t close by, what could you do to create a space in your home that reminds you of that place? When you create a space for yourself, include scents, colors, and textures that you like. Add music or another type of sound that helps you relax. When taking time to relax

Journal Prompt: Do you feel like you are mostly positive about things that happen in your life? Think about a time when you felt that things were going negatively. Now try to find one thing in that situation that was positive. Sometimes really crappy things happen in life. Do you think it is possible to find some positive in everything? Think of a time when you saw positive things happening. How did it make you feel? How can you change your focus to more positive things when

Journal Prompt: Step 1- Acknowledgement What forms of abuse did you experience as a child? What coping mechanisms or personality traits did you develop to cope with the trauma? Are these mechanisms or traits healthy? Step 2- Acceptance Make peace with the fact that you are a victim of trauma, but that you will become a survivor. Allow yourself whatever feelings you experience during this process. Sadness, anger, disappointment, and frustration are very common and normal. Acc

Journal Prompt- Do you feel that there are problems in your relationships? What problems do you recognize in your relationships? (Poor communication, lack of consideration, you do too much for the other person, you always feel frustrated with that person?) Did you experience these same problems with your parents as a child, or did you see your parents having these problems in their relationships? What traits do you think you learned from your parents that are affecting your r

Journal Prompt: Does someone make you feel confused about the reality they are presenting to you? (Such as, “You are the one that messed this up!” when you didn’t do anything wrong.) Does someone blame you for everything that happens to them? (Such as, “If you didn’t do that I wouldn’t get mad!” even though you didn’t do anything to make them mad.) Does someone attack you verbally, call you names, or criticize things you do? (Such as “You’re stupid for doing that!” or “Why wo

Use the file below for the apple tree images to help you journal about your mental apple tree. Example of my positive tree. Example of my negative tree.

Journal Prompt: Was your mother a nurturing, caring, and affectionate type of person? Was your mother verbally or physically abusive? Physically or emotionally neglectful? Or emotionally absent? Was your mother absent from your life as a child? Was your father an accepting, supportive, and affectionate type of person? Was your father verbally or physically abusive? Physically or emotionally neglectful? Or emotionally absent? Was your father absent from your life as a child? T

Journal Prompt: Think about a relationship you are/were in with a narcissist. What tactics did they use on you? What effects did that abuse have on you? What can you do now to process and heal those effects? What can you do to stop the abuse if you are still in that relationship, or what can you do to prevent yourself from getting sucked in by a narcissist in the future?

Links to test for narcissism= https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/tests/personality/narcissism-test https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/tests/relationships/narcissistic-partner-test

Journal Prompt: As an adult, do you think you experienced abuse, neglect, or household dysfunction (Adverse Childhood Experiences- ACEs)? {Listen to Episodes 4 and 14 for more explanation of these experiences.} If so, what did you experience? From the list in question 2, what coping behaviors do you think you have developed because of trauma? {Listen to Episodes 9, 10, and 11 for more explanation of these experiences.} From the list in question 2, what problems do you think

Journal Prompt: Take the ACEs test attached here. Are you surprised by your score? Were there experiences on the list that you were surprised impacted your childhood? How have these experiences negatively impacted you? Did you have a teacher(s) that made a positive impact on you? What positive traits did that teacher(s) provide for you? How can you strengthen those positive traits into your life now?

Chart created by Tom Drummond at https://tomdrummond.com/ Journal Prompt: How do you react when stressed, angry, or in a confrontation? Do you feel this is a healthy reaction? Are your needs, wants, and feelings being expressed in a positive way? Do you validate the other person’s needs, wants, and feelings? Are you able to calmly express your emotions and suggest a resolution when in conflict? Based on the relationship spectrum chart, do you have unhealthy or abusive relatio

Avoidance= Do you try to ignore thoughts and feelings from your past? When you get upset, anxious, or stressed do you shut down your feelings so that you don’t have to cope with them? Do you sometimes feel like a pressure cooker inside from holding in your feelings? Do you have unexplained outbursts, meltdowns, or emotional distress and not able to explain why? Dissociation= Have you ever experienced feelings of being outside your body, like the world is not real, extreme mem

Body Dysmorphia= Are there parts of your body that you don’t like, hate, or feel are deformed? Do you spend time thinking about, covering, fixing, or picking at these parts you don’t like? Talk to someone you trust, ask them to honestly tell you if they see these faults the way you do? Try self-talk, telling yourself what your safe person said to you. Try to look for the positive outlook in your traits that your safe person described. If these things do not help, seek profes

Personality Disorders and Coping Mechanisms are thoughts we created in our minds to help us survival childhood trauma. Sometimes these conditions are not helpful in our daily life, but sometimes can have positive aspects. Use the questions below to determine if you have a personality disorder or use coping mechanisms, and whether you experience positive or negative experiences with them. What personality disorders do you think you experience? What traits of that/those disorde

If you think you have traits of people pleasing, perfectionism, or OCPD, follow the prompts below to identify which traits you are exhibiting and how they are affecting functions in your life. Based on what you heard in the podcast, which of these traits do you think you have? It is possible to have more than one, or all three. What part of these traits are affecting your life in a negative way? Which of these traits are affecting those around you? Which parts of these traits