Notes from Dr. Border

Journal Prompt: Step 1- Acknowledgement What forms of abuse did you experience as a child? What coping mechanisms or personality traits did you develop to cope with the trauma? Are these mechanisms or traits healthy? Step 2- Acceptance Make peace with the fact that you are a victim of trauma, but that you will become a survivor. Allow yourself whatever feelings you experience during this process. Sadness, anger, disappointment, and frustration are very common and normal. Acc

Journal Prompt- Do you feel that there are problems in your relationships? What problems do you recognize in your relationships? (Poor communication, lack of consideration, you do too much for the other person, you always feel frustrated with that person?) Did you experience these same problems with your parents as a child, or did you see your parents having these problems in their relationships? What traits do you think you learned from your parents that are affecting your r

Journal Prompt: Does someone make you feel confused about the reality they are presenting to you? (Such as, “You are the one that messed this up!” when you didn’t do anything wrong.) Does someone blame you for everything that happens to them? (Such as, “If you didn’t do that I wouldn’t get mad!” even though you didn’t do anything to make them mad.) Does someone attack you verbally, call you names, or criticize things you do? (Such as “You’re stupid for doing that!” or “Why wo

Use the file below for the apple tree images to help you journal about your mental apple tree. Example of my positive tree. Example of my negative tree.

Journal Prompt: Was your mother a nurturing, caring, and affectionate type of person? Was your mother verbally or physically abusive? Physically or emotionally neglectful? Or emotionally absent? Was your mother absent from your life as a child? Was your father an accepting, supportive, and affectionate type of person? Was your father verbally or physically abusive? Physically or emotionally neglectful? Or emotionally absent? Was your father absent from your life as a child? T

Journal Prompt: Think about a relationship you are/were in with a narcissist. What tactics did they use on you? What effects did that abuse have on you? What can you do now to process and heal those effects? What can you do to stop the abuse if you are still in that relationship, or what can you do to prevent yourself from getting sucked in by a narcissist in the future?

Links to test for narcissism= https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/tests/personality/narcissism-test https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/tests/relationships/narcissistic-partner-test

Journal Prompt: As an adult, do you think you experienced abuse, neglect, or household dysfunction (Adverse Childhood Experiences- ACEs)? {Listen to Episodes 4 and 14 for more explanation of these experiences.} If so, what did you experience? From the list in question 2, what coping behaviors do you think you have developed because of trauma? {Listen to Episodes 9, 10, and 11 for more explanation of these experiences.} From the list in question 2, what problems do you think

Journal Prompt: Take the ACEs test attached here. Are you surprised by your score? Were there experiences on the list that you were surprised impacted your childhood? How have these experiences negatively impacted you? Did you have a teacher(s) that made a positive impact on you? What positive traits did that teacher(s) provide for you? How can you strengthen those positive traits into your life now?

Chart created by Tom Drummond at https://tomdrummond.com/ Journal Prompt: How do you react when stressed, angry, or in a confrontation? Do you feel this is a healthy reaction? Are your needs, wants, and feelings being expressed in a positive way? Do you validate the other person’s needs, wants, and feelings? Are you able to calmly express your emotions and suggest a resolution when in conflict? Based on the relationship spectrum chart, do you have unhealthy or abusive relatio

Avoidance= Do you try to ignore thoughts and feelings from your past? When you get upset, anxious, or stressed do you shut down your feelings so that you don’t have to cope with them? Do you sometimes feel like a pressure cooker inside from holding in your feelings? Do you have unexplained outbursts, meltdowns, or emotional distress and not able to explain why? Dissociation= Have you ever experienced feelings of being outside your body, like the world is not real, extreme mem

Body Dysmorphia= Are there parts of your body that you don’t like, hate, or feel are deformed? Do you spend time thinking about, covering, fixing, or picking at these parts you don’t like? Talk to someone you trust, ask them to honestly tell you if they see these faults the way you do? Try self-talk, telling yourself what your safe person said to you. Try to look for the positive outlook in your traits that your safe person described. If these things do not help, seek profes

Personality Disorders and Coping Mechanisms are thoughts we created in our minds to help us survival childhood trauma. Sometimes these conditions are not helpful in our daily life, but sometimes can have positive aspects. Use the questions below to determine if you have a personality disorder or use coping mechanisms, and whether you experience positive or negative experiences with them. What personality disorders do you think you experience? What traits of that/those disorde

If you think you have traits of people pleasing, perfectionism, or OCPD, follow the prompts below to identify which traits you are exhibiting and how they are affecting functions in your life. Based on what you heard in the podcast, which of these traits do you think you have? It is possible to have more than one, or all three. What part of these traits are affecting your life in a negative way? Which of these traits are affecting those around you? Which parts of these traits

Self-esteem, self-worth, and self-identity are key parts in creating the life you want, but many of us were not able to develop any of these during our childhood. Now in adulthood we are still struggling to develop them. The following prompts can help you strengthen them and proceed on a healing journey! To work on your self-esteem: Do you like who you are? If you said yes to #1, what do you like about yourself? If you said no to #1, what don't you like about yourself? If you

Anxiety, depression, and hypervigilance are all results of abuse. These conditions can command your life if not dealt with. They can not only affect your emotional health, but also your mental and physical health. They can determine the choices you make, the relationships you form, and alter the life you live. I encourage you to journal the following: What negative experiences did you have as a child? Were these experiences abuse or neglect? Do you think these negative experi

Understanding what abuse, neglect, and trauma are helps us to begin on a healing journey. We have to understand what happened to us, accept it, and work to heal from it in the proper way to become healthier and happier. Knowledge is power, and if we don't know that the things that happened to us as children was wrong, we may repeat it, and will always suffer from it's effects. What type of abuse or neglect did you experience as a child? Be sure to check out Lineo Ratia's book

I can't begin to explain how crucial our emotional development is to how emotionally healthy we are through our lives. Without guidance and support, and with added abuse, we are set up for anxiety, depression, hypervigilance, personality disorders, lack of social skills, emotional issues, and relationship problems. Healing from this may take a while and be hard work, but I promise it is so worth it!!!

This was a tough episode to write. Telling my story brings some heartache, grief for what I didn't have, and a little anger. But it also helps me travel further down my healing path. My hope is that by sharing my story and healing journey, I will be able to help you in some way as well. Dedicating this episode to this baby girl and her struggle to become a strong woman.

I'm so happy you have found my page! Be sure to listen to my podcasts on your favorite podcast app. Follow me on Facebook and Instagram. I look forward to hearing from you and embarking on this journey of breaking our mental borders together! Facebook= https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61580377897355 Instagram= https://www.instagram.com/breakingourborders/